Book Review: I Wish for You a Beautiful Life

Dorow, Sarah.  I Wish for You a Beautiful Life.  MN: Yeong & Yeong Book Company, 1999: 134 pages

The editor, Sarah Dorow, is an Associate Professor of sociology at the University of Alberta.  She teaches courses related to adoption and has researched and published literature related to transnational adoption.

This work is an informal compilation of letters aimed toward a mature audience.  It provides a more comprehensive view of adoption by highlighting the perspective of unwed mothers in Korea.  The women are writing these letters to their babies which they have surrendered for adoption.  Therefore, they contain subject matters which may be hard for a young audience to understand. 

Rating: 2) I recommend this book for a mature audience that would like to learn more about the Korean birthmother experience.

I strongly recommend the purchase of this book by CSB/SJU libraries.

            In the realm of books on adoption, I Wish for You a Beautiful Life is unique because it isolates the rare voice of Korean birthmothers.  These voices are revealed through the letters these women write to their children upon choosing adoption, and they are laced with emotions of pain, guilt, and love.  The significance of this compilation is emphasized by the intentional organization which highlights aspects of the Korean birthmother experience.  It opens with an introduction by the director of the unwed mother home, Ae Ran Won, the source of the letters.  This helps the audience gain insight into the historical and cultural context of adoption and the role of unwed mothers in Korea.  She states that these letters are a therapeutic step allowing, “each birth mother to express her feelings in the form of a letter to her child” (2).  The thirty-seven letters are separated by 6 groups.  Each section presents an issue and a short explanation of how it relates to unwed mothers in Korea.  They cover a wide array of topics from “The stigma of single motherhood” to “Christian Faith.”  The letters themselves are fairly short averaging approximately two pages.  Although brief, the writings are quite dense expressing complex emotional battles and societal pressures.  By labeling the letters with numbers and containing no writer identification, the words seem more powerful and representative of the feelings of many Korean birthmothers.  Overall, the message of the I Wish for You a Beautiful Life is focused around the difficulty of being an unwed mother in Korea.  Unlike American society, Korea still has very strong ideas about gender and family.  The idea of the baby scoop era in 1960s America is still the bleak reality.  Society is constructed in such a way that, “the deep embarrassment that accompanies pregnancy and parenthood out of wedlock is not just about immoral conduct but about disrupting traditional Confucian family bonds and male-centered lineage” (15).  These letters provide a vehicle to expose these strict societal standards and allow the honest, raw voice of the Korean birthmother to be heard.

            A strength of this book is the variety of voices it presents.  With thirty-seven women coming from the same general background, I expected the letters to become repetitive and predictable.  Surprisingly, each provides unique nuances which add to my understanding of Korean birthmothers.  For example, Letter 6 details careless behavior leading to pregnancy and then a possible abortion, while Letter 8 describes a pregnancy stemming from a loving relationship and causing familial rejection.  There are obviously common themes such as regret and shame, but the varying details and subject matter allowed each letter to present a slightly different point of view.   Furthermore, the additional writings which frame the letters effectively place the text within a distinct cultural context.  Background by the director of Ae Ran Won, note from the editor, foreword, short section writings, and concluding remarks about Ae Ran Won develop a more comprehensive understanding of birth mothers in Korea and the difficult decisions and situations unique to their culture.  I especially enjoyed the description of Ae Ran Won today.  It was very specific and allowed the audience to visually place themselves in that setting.  However, a weakness is the organization of the letters.  The section headings were not always related to the letters contained within those parts.  This caused some distraction because it caused one to search for traces of the theme rather than appreciating the letters for what they were.

            As a whole, this book serves to confirm themes which we explored in our discussion of Korean birthmothers.  The article which resonates most with I Wish for You a Beautiful Life is the lecture notes from the 60^th Women’s Policy Forum held on February 24, 2010 at the International Conference Hall of the Korea Press Center.  In the talk titled “Reality of Unwed Mothers and Support for Self-Reliance”, there are many situations detailed in which unwed mothers were coerced, limiting their right to informed consent and autonomy.  Korean mothers who lacked financial support felt obliged to follow the social worker’s recommendations.  One mothers laments, “I had no choice but to do as the adoption agency suggested, as I had no one to look after me” (10).  Similar feeling are expressed in Letter 25 when a mother writes, “although I did not abandon you, I also had no choice but to place you for adoption” (25).  This further emphasizes the lack of options presented to birthmothers stripping them of their right to informed consent.  An interesting idea which arises from the comparison of our readings on Korean birthmothers and the information in I Wish for You a Beautiful Life is the concept that the staff at Ae Ran Won may have been coercing the mothers to surrender their babies for adoption.  Many examples shared in the talk expose the corrupt nature of unwed mother homes.  It makes me wonder whether the people at Ae Ran Won had the best interests of the mothers in mind.  The book is somewhat bias because it contains a short introduction by the Ae Ran Won director and a portion of the proceeds generated from the book are donated to the home.  While I was reading, I never questioned the home’s intentions or morality.  Throughout the letters, the majority of mothers believed they were making the decision for adoption on their own.  It is possible the misinformation provided to the mothers caused them to reach this conclusion unaware that they were being forcefully swayed by the staff and their own families.  In light of this, the letters serve as useful evidence of successful coercion.  The women are so manipulated by society that they believe they are choosing adoption, when in fact they were provided no other choice.  The closing remark of the talk claims that, “if unwed mothers are provided with sufficient counseling and time to consider their options, the adoption rate will drop dramatically” (25).  Based on the reading of I Wish for You a Beautiful Life, it is evident that unwed mother facilities like Ae Ran Won are not providing enough information to mothers.  Collectively, the letters express emotions of desperation, choicelessness, and shame.  None of the women seem to be aware of government assistance and programs which would allow them to keep their children.

            I Wish for You a Beautiful Life is a poignant read for any mature reader who would like to learn more about the experience of being a birthmother in Korea.  The positive aspects of presenting a variety of voices and cultural context far outweigh the minor problem with section headings.  It helps to support ideas explored earlier with unwed Korean mothers, and also raises several new questions in light of possible integrity issues.  Perhaps, as a Korean adoptee these letters carry greater weight.  There were emotional moments I imagined my own birthmother as the writer.  It is possible this powerful experience caused me to overestimate this book’s worth.  Nonetheless, this book does accomplish its goal of helping people outside of Korea, “better understand the difficult situation of birth mothers.”  The letters are raw because they remove extraneous commentary by scholars and other parties in the adoption triad.  It is refreshing to see a group with arguably the least amount of power in adoption given the loudest voice.  In doing so, I Wish for You a Beautiful Life provides an “important gift” to its audience by allowing them to become closer to understanding the grueling trials of being an unwed mother in Korea.  An excerpt from Letter 13 encompasses feelings reiterated throughout work stating, “Think of your life as precious, because you are a beautiful flower born out of pain.  I cannot give you any help, but I will always pray for you” (54).  I Wish for You a Beautiful Life is a moving work which is invaluable to those seeking out the Korean birthmother perspective. 

Reanna N.