As an adoptee that has grown up in a home with a form of
open adoption, it is easy for me to say that open adoption is a very positive
thing for the adoption triad. My open adoption has allowed me the capability to
ask questions and receive answers about where I came from and the people that
gave me life. For a teenager, these questions are critical in the development
of their self-concept and without them many are left wondering or filling the
void with unrealistic fantasies. On the other side of the triangle, my open
adoption has allowed my birth family to know about me through letters my
parents send to them annually. I have never met my birth parents, but they will
forever know that I am loved, safe, healthy, and happy through these series of
letters that my parents write. This is one of the greatest gifts that a
birthparent can receive. My parents as well benefit from the outcomes of the
open adoption. They are able to answer the questions that I ask, but more
importantly they get to thank my birthparents every year for the gift that they
gave my family. It is important to me and my family that they know how grateful we are for what they have given us.
With this being said, I do believe that openness in adoption
can be complicated. After reading A Love Story written by Kathleen
Scully Davis, about meeting her birth daughter, it is clear that the
implications of openness in adoption go beyond what one can scratch on the
surface. Contact with birthparents is a deeply emotional and conflicting ordeal
that is not in any way easy. Kathleen describes the mixed emotions that are
felt by each party perfectly when she states of her birth daughter when meeting
for the first time, “The look on her face was a combination of curiosity and
stage fright. It’s as if she was thinking, How did this happen? I was just
going on living my life, being totally content with my existing family. I
wasn’t even that curious…and now here she is on my doorstep. I feel nauseous.
How do we act? What do we do? What if I don’t like her? What if she doesn’t
like me?” Openness can create these confusing types of feelings and can be hard
for those involved in adoption, especially when meetings are unwanted or unnecessary.
Although openness can be a positive experience, there are also negative aspects
that complicate whether an open adoption is right for any given family.
-Aly
Graded Reply:
ReplyDeleteHi Aly,
I just wanted to say I enjoyed reading your post especially since you have been through a form of open adoption. I feel like the form of open adoption where you exchange letters seems like the best option to start off with. Exchanging letters seems “non-invasive”, however keeps the lines of communication open in case an adoptee would like further contact.
In Allen’s article they used the example of Jill and Chris (the birth parents) and the adoptive parents. The adoptive parents did not have to have to have the birth parents as involved in their lives as they did in the beginning. However some complications arose when the adoptive parents decided they didn’t want to have that much contact with the birth parents in the end. Though, legally it was the adoptive parents say, it still did cause the birth mother to get upset for a while.
In the end I agree with what Allen says in her article, “Adoptive parents are bound to do what they can do well toward providing a good life for their children (51).” It really is about the child involved and that’s why I think exchanging letters is a good form of open adoption especially during the child’s early life.
Thanks for the post!
-Angie K
Graded Reply
ReplyDeleteAly,
Very nice job on your post! Incorporating your experiences with open adoption in your blog post was a fine way to understand how it personally affects individuals going through life’s journey. I too discussed the effects of open adoption for children, and I although I am not adoptee, I can just about to imagine the overwhelming thoughts for the first encounter between an adoptee and birthparents. The concept I’d like to learn more information about is how adoptive parents manage the situation in which their children meet their birthparents. I could see it just as overpowering for the children as for the adoptive parents. But I feel a high percentage of adoptive parents would like their children to know their origins and gain knowledge regarding their culture, ethnicity, and background. Going into the nursing profession, I feel another reason to advocate to find out further information from birthparents is health history. Finding information regarding health background can inform adoptees of potential health problems or risk factors they may be predisposed to. For example, if type I Diabetes runs in the family, I feel it is important for the adoptee, along with the other family members to know that information to prevent development and complications in the future.