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| My family meeting me for the first time. (October 1991) |
The past few speakers and my reading of “I Wish for you a
Beautiful Life” have helped me do a lot of self reflection on my own adoption. Hearing the CUB member tell her story was an
invaluable experience. It forced me to
think about the process my own birthmother may have gone through. Growing up, my family maintained an environment
which did not foster discussion about my adoption. All I know about my adoption is that my
birthmother was very young. I assumed I
was simply “given up” because I was unwanted and unloved. The letters in “I Wish for you a Beautiful
Life” and the CUB speaker presented experiences that challenged this prior
belief. It was incredible to think that
my adoption was not an act of carelessness but an act of love. This realization has made me much more
grateful to my birthmother and to my parents alike. My birthmother for choosing to give birth to
me despite the harsh stigmas and treatment of single mothers in Korea, and my
parents for going through the complex adoption process and providing me with a
loving, happy life. Watching reunion videos online and hearing about other
adoptees who have met their birthparents is a deeply emotional experience. I dream of one day seeing an individual who
bears some resemblance to me, and it seems surreal. Many take this for granted, but attending
family reunions where you are the only non-white individual takes an immense emotional
toll on a person. Although I am truly
blessed with friends and family to support me, I wonder if there are some
unique connections that exist only between those biologically related. Unfortunately, I know it takes a lot of work,
both physically and emotionally, to find one’s birthparents. I fear I would hurt my parents in the process
and am not prepared to commit a significant portion of my life to that quest. I hope that my birthmother had an attitude
similar to those in the “I Wish for you a Beautiful Life” wishing that I lead a
life “loved, as well as healthy and strong.”
Although I may never meet my birthmother, I am eternally grateful for
her decision for adoption. It is comforting
to know my birthmother could be constantly praying for my happiness and
well-being. I was particularly moved by
Letter 31 which says, “Even though you are so far away from me, you are always
deep in my heart” (119). I hope my
birthmother knows that she is always in my heart, and I pray that I may have a
place in hers.
Reanna N.
Graded Reply:
ReplyDeleteReanna, beautiful post. What a lovely picture to have and to share!
I wrote in my blog post that I believe adoption records should be open because of many of the things that our speaker on Tuesday said. Some of the aspects that I hadn't even considered are what you mentioned in your post. For instance, being the only non-white at a family reunion. I never would have even thought about that and if I had, I don't know that I would consider it bothering a person but I understand now how over time that can take it's toll. I think it's interesting, your question about whether or not people that are biologically related have certain unique qualities about their relationships... I can't say if it's true or not but I wonder how wonderful it must feel to have such a loving relationship with adoptive parents?
Another point the speaker made was that she had stopped searching for a time because it was too emotionally draining, which I understand 100%. Trying to find a person/couple that was so instrumental in giving to you your current life and perhaps not being able to or running into roadblocks or false information could be heart-wrenching. Whatever your choice, someday to search or never to search... I think it's great that you've finally read,"I Wish For You a Beautiful Life" and let in the idea that you were given up OUT of love, instead of how you were feeling before.
Again, nice post!